Since Ragnarok’s release, the Geek Side of the Interweb has been debating whether or not Loki stole the Tesseract to give to Thanos (or put on a shelf across from his bed to admire until it’s stolen right back) as well as a whole bunch of other questions.
While there’s no way on Earth (or Earth-number-billion; whichever multiverse we’re up to) I alone nor we as a team can answer only one of them (he totally stole it), what we can do is share some badass Thor merchandise.
1. Should You Need an Item to Worship Your Favorite God, Look No FurtherSource: iCanvas
Put a Thor on a Thor and you get what can be described as a masterpiece. And I'm not just saying that because Chris Hemsworth is hilarious and a total babe, I'm saying it because it's true and this canvas print proves it. Comic book Thor flies at you from a stack of comic books that he's appeared in. I mean, I could try to think of a better gift for a Thor fan but I'd disappoint myself (for five minutes until I saw the rest of the Thor merchandise we found that is all rad-as-radiation). You can choose whichever size you want, but just remember he is a God and the bigger the altar the better. Andrew Ryan taught me that.
Get this Thor comic book canvas art on icanvas.com
2. Does Getting into Asgard Require Keys?Source: Superhero Stuff
A question that spoiler alerts could answer if I was into those. My door keys are attached to a bell. Previously, I had a set with a plush brain cell and a Darth Vader keychain on it, until I dropped them and they were lost forever. I still mourn them, especially that plush brain cell (oh, and my door keys). The bell works well, to the point where it's annoying each time I pick up my keys or carry them around in my pocket or bag. Say, if only there was a way to have a keychain blessed by Mjölnir. Think I'd lose them again? Try not to be shady with your answer...
Get Thor's helmet keychain on superherostuff.com
3. I Know Thor is Buff and a God and Everything but Surely He Gets ColdSource: Think Geek
Just because he's from Norwegian lore doesn't mean he's used to the weather being a bit nippy. Maybe they don't have nerdy Christmas sweaters or geek hoodies in Scandinavia (yet, because hello, that's what we're here for!) Maybe Hygge only goes so far in the MCU. We can't do anything but guess. Living in quite a cold place myself, I can advise Thor to wear one of these instead of a helmet. They won't protect him from Thanos or his wimpy brother (do you think Loki and Nebula will get along?), but it'll sure keep his ears nice and toasty.
Get the Thor winter hat on thinkgeek.com
4. This Mug is Just the Right Size for Some Hot CocoaSource: Pop in a Box
The world just ended and the Rapture happened. Welcome to the city under the sea where people still dress like it's the 1940s. You'll be safe here, even if it'll feel a little like you're living under a fascist dictatorship at times and will never know if you can trust the voice at the end of your radio or not. This is the Rapture and it's definitely the Rapture because the first thing I thought when I saw these Pop ceramic mugs was hot cocoa. Not coffee. Which feels strange and odd, and for anybody who got all of the references in the first few sentences here, you can have a link to some BioShock shirts. (Shh, don't tell the other readers).
Get this Funko Thor POP ceramic mug on popinabox.us
5. This is Construction You Do Not Need a Hammer For…Source: IWOOT
Imagine if you did. You could hammer a hammer and laugh about it for a couple of seconds (if you're me). These Metal Earth construction kits are the bomb. We featured a bunch of them in our Transformer toys and Jurassic Park toys articles and a ton of others. I've never, personally, been much of a builder. My woodworking classes in school always ended with me staring out of the window willing drama to come, but there were times we got to play with those little construction sticks and that's what I imagine these kits to be. But metal. And cool. And geeky. And cool because they're metal and geeky.
Get the Mjolnir metal earth construction kit on iwantoneofthose.com
6. Multiple Action Figures to Add to Your Collection Thor MerchandiseSource: Entertainment Earth
Marvel Legends action figures tend to be both awesome and affordable. With action figures, sometimes you get what you pay for, but that's never the truth if you know where to look. The Legends series is ideal and getting a case of quality action figures is kinda like getting a year's supply of toilet paper at Costco: it's smart as heck and means if you're not feeling Thor, you might very well feel Hela, and then the next day, Ares. Sorry, Thor.
Get this Thor: Ragnarok action figures case on entertainmentearth.com
7. A Ring Cast From the Fires of Moria… WaitSource: Superhero Stuff
Oops. Did I intentionally-to-create-a link between two of the best geek franchises in the whole of middle (and this) earth mix up Lord of the Rings with the Avengers? SILLY ME. (But oh, since I did that, why not look at these Lord of the Rings shirts?) I like the idea that every ring in the world was forged from the fires of the mountain. It would make Gollum's lust for it hilarious, Toriel's existence even less of a necessity, and wearing rings way more badass.
Get the Thor Avengers ring on superherostuff.com
8. Greased Lightning? More Like Beefed LightningSource: TeePublic
Thor could burn up more than the quarter mile, though, Danny Zuko. My geekiness sometimes runs into musicals. It's a thing. I apologize for it but not. I tried not to include too many Thor shirts on this list because I found so many that I loved that they could potentially make their own article, but these geeky takes on 80s t-shirts are becoming a thing and I love having my finger on the pulse while I listen to the Drive soundtrack and dream about the Infinity War trailer.
Get this 80s style Thor t-shirt on teepublic.com
9. So, What’s the Status on our Toasts? Can We Drink to Odin?Source: Superhero Stuff
I'd drink to Mr. Wednesday. Relatedly (sort of), I love the fact that there's more and more American Gods merchandise showing up on the market. It was such a good show about such a good book and there's not a whole lot Ian McShane has done that I don't like. Give me this mason jar and I'd drink anything. Particularly if it's glass that will withstand heat (she asks, sipping from her favorite Ghostbusters mug) or alcohol. Could I drink wine from this? (Odin would be so proud).
Get this Thor mason jar on superherostuff.com
10. Scientists Were Right About Metal Attracting Lightning (Ayyy)Source: Amazon
Google will tell me the answer as to whether they actually are or not, but since I'm in the Zone of drafting my dream Thor merchandise list (to add to the rest of my list that's made up of Star Wars action figures, Tank Girl merchandise, Princess Leia gifts and other gifts for gamers) and don't want to navigate away, we'll just relish in the joke and move on. I love earrings and anyone who loves Thor and loves earrings will love this pair. Trust me, I'm a jewelry addict.
Get this pair of Thor earrings on amazon.com
11. Only Thing I Love More Than Thor: Ragnarok is CatsSource: Amazon
This adorable tank top counts as Thor merchandise as much as it does cute cat gifts, and because I feel like the Internet, geeks, and cat lovers seem to always come together in a Venn diagram of positive vibes, how could I possibly omit it? This isn't to mistake our love of cats for love of dogs (remember our Batman vs puppies study?) WE LOVE BOTH. Cats (and dogs) are awesome, and so is Thor. You could argue with me, but you wouldn't be here if you didn't love at least one of the three!
Get this novelty Thor tank top on amazon.com
12. What Starts With Art Should End With ArtSource: iCanvas
I also just really dug this design when I saw it the first time and kept thinking and thinking about it until I could think no more, and debated exchanging the Klimt print I want to get a member of my family for Christmas... with a Thor art print. Since I'm a good daughter, one of you geeklets are gonna have to put this in your man cave and send pictures to us so we can live vicariously through you and your rad walls. Cool? Cool.
Get the Thor silhouette canvas on icanvas.com
Look, we just really love that a**hole, okay? (And there’s no way he’d let Wolvie have this one).