Oh. Hi! It’s me. Pool. As in “Dead”, by the way. You’re probably wondering what happened to Em, and why I don’t have my own account.
Answer is, I’m a character from a comic book. Comic books don’t have morals or Ant-Man wouldn’t be a THING.
Anyway, I got bad guys to kill and fun to have, so let’s get this show on the road. Presenting to you, from Deadpool HQ, the goddamn best me shoes– uh. Deadpool shoes in. the. world.
1. Bicolor Converse-Style Deadpool High Tops At Your Service
In case you didn’t realize, I’m so red I’m a book. (All over.) I think every piece of clothing you own should have me on it. Soon enough, they’ll even be making dresses. ‘Cause that’s what I like to wear. Alone. At home. Sometimes…
2. Hey, Grandpa! Your Feet Look Icy, Here’s Some Patented Deadpool Slippers
Icy ’cause I threw you in an iced over LAKE – HA HA HA. Confession: Moccasins are the shyieeet. Come up and see me sometime, I’ll wear these and some stockings and we’ll have a real PARTY. Look, guys, we’re all gonna be old and smell some day, now why can’t we wear slippers when we don’t?
3. Unlike RACCOONS From Outer Space, Some Of Us Can Wink As Demonstrated In These Deadpool Shoes
HEY. Getting these sneakers means you can wear me or kick me in the face and the nuts simultaneously ’cause we all know the bald dude in the big mansion really gets his rocks off to that. And so, my friends. Do I. Anyway they’re all kinds of awesome and red and did I say they’ve got my face on them?
4. Let’s Taco Bout Hot Topic’s Deadpool Slip Ons
Dear mom always used to say, slip ons are called slip ons ’cause they’re easy to slip off. In bed. For same species — any gender — fornication. Or next to the bed. SEE WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS? Like besides an R-Rating AGAIN. Whatever, these Deadpool shoes have little pixel mes running around all over them.
5. Deadpool Cosplay Boots For Your Comic Con-venience (HAHAHA)
I hear some of you geeks like getting dressed up to hang with other geeks. HERE’S AN IDEA. How about you geeks who like dressing up to hang with other geeks get your geek friends to dress up with you, as me, and have a thousand Deadpools running around like little rednecks?
6. Some More Deadpool High Tops? Don’t Let Me Stop You! (I’m Too Lazy)
Look how cute I am, all Powerpuff and Chibi. I’m like Colossus and Hulk had an itty bitty cute red baby, who’s just like me now without the raging sex appeal. SPIDER-MAN? How dare you. And a solemn Chimichanga good day to you, compadres. (Until our next pair of Deadpool shoes…)
7. Next, On Pool Shopping Network, These Deadpool Flip Flops Are Next Season’s Hippest Flippers
In Australia, flip flops are called thongs. FACT. In America, Sisqo once crooned about the thongs his sidekick ladies gyrate around him in before the term twerking was invented. FACT. In my bedroom, I NEVER wear underwear.
~Monsieur Piscine de Mort
8. Here’s Some Deadpool Kicks To Get You Noticed!
Look closely, you’ll see I’m wearing them right now. I don’t know who told the band they couldn’t wear their own shirts but like, I’m no band, I’m just a man. Was a man. Are a man…? I’m a man-type-thing if you look past the excuse I got for flesh under this DSN $995 DEADPOOL MASK. Anyway, I’m wearing them. And I am SEXY.
-Deadsexy 4 Ur Shirt
9. What’s That? Deadpool Lace-Up Sneakers With My Logo On Them???
How much better is my logo than Wolverine’s? He’s gotta share his logo with the rest of his Heaven’s Gate losers and me, I get to wear these Deadpool shoes All By Myself (Celine Dion.mp3), I guess they’re more than cool and so badass awesome (because they’ve got me on them). I guess they’d look good with any outfit, cahj or smaht (that’s Ben Afflect for smart.) Hey, I hear he’s doing bats now.