You know how we all want people to remark on us in the best way they know how? “You’re a unicorn!” would be mine.
Unicorns are unique and they are majestic. They also do not have wings. Those are Pegasus. (Duh.)
There’s a lot of joy in life we sometimes forget that unicorns help us to remember. Because whether they’re unicorns barfing rainbows or, like me, angry unicorns, there’s a bunch of unicorn stuff to brighten your days!
1. Drink From Elwood’s Unicorn Mug, Have No Regrets
The mugs are handmade using stoneware clay and fairy dust, one of which is pretty hard to find. With coffee as our human battery of choice these days, the bigger the coffee mug the better. (She says, delving into her third of the day.) Elwood checks every box.
2. Unicorn Slippers Literally Light Up Your Life
What’s better than having unicorn slippers that light up every time you take a step? I mean, it’s a kids dream and the hangover person’s dream which in retrospect, are kind of the same thing with more of a headache. Everyone should have unicorn slippers. EVERYONE.
3. Keep Your Smaller Unicorn Stuff In A Unicorn Tears Purse
It also doubles as a flask that contains unicorn tears. Though please don’t actually put anything liquid in there without a bottle. It won’t end pretty. In essence, it’s a flask that’s not a flask. It’s a purse. I’d hate to see your essential unicorn stuff go the way of my digital camera in 2007.
4. An Inflatable Unicorn Horn For Cats!
Make your cat hate you by making them the life of every party. Watch as they struggle to get it off with their paw, express their contempt with their eyes, but ultimately give up and go to sleep. Put them on Instagram! On Facebook! Invent hashtags especially for the occasion: #unicat #felicorn #catwithahornonitsheadlol! They’ll also make a great meme opponent for dogs in superhero costumes.
5. You’ll Find All Kinds Of Ways To Use A Unicorn In This Book
Sure, they look good as accessories when you’re walking around town with them, but unicorns have many uses. This book serves as a manual all the things your unicorn can do. A life hack for all unicorn owners. Use them as a light saber or a fishing spear. I hear they’re even good as, uh, for barbecues.
6. When You’re Not In Your Slippers, Slip On Some Unicorn Flats!
I’m a motorcycle boot wearing unicorn, but if I wore ballet flats, I’d wear ballet flats with a unicorn on them. They even have a rainbow lining that makes me pine for smaller feet and a wardrobe that contained any dresses. Order a size up, as they run quite small.
7. Mismatched Unicorn Earrings You’ll LOBE
Mismatched earrings make wearing them so much easier than when you have a pair and can’t find one. This rainbow and unicorn still go together and are cloisonné studs which make them kind to your ears.
8. A Unicorn Wine Holder That Would Make Bacchus Gag
Not all unicorns are perfect. Some are alcoholics. But we’re not to hold that against them, we’re to take them into our homes. We can trust them with our wine if we keep the corks in and who wouldn’t give the unicorns the chance at rehabilitation they’ve given us?
9. Is It A Unicorn? Is It A Mermaid? No, It’s Both!
Like, just in case you weren’t sure whether or not there was a being more magical than either. Unicorns usually have the edge, but seeing one with a tail has me truly reconsidering my options. And look! Its modesty is still intact.
10. Hungry? Why Not Try Some Unicorn Meat In A Can?
I’m a vegetarian but it would annoy PETA so much and I’m all for that. I hear it tastes of venison– wait, it’s not a real dead unicorn? It’s a plushie that’s dismembered, and the only thing better than eating something is saying you have unicorn bits??
11. Get Your Crossbreed Horse And Unicorn Wedding Cake Topper
Hey, now we know what we can put on Bojack’s cake to really freak him out! (Like he needs to be any more on edge, right?) If you’re looking for unique stuff for your wedding, what’s more unique than unicorn stuff? Puh. “Fiji-mermaid stuff”, whatever Mulder.
Make a wish. I make them. Why I can’t tell you, but it might have a lot to do with the fact I have this unicorn necklace in my jewelry box as I’m telling you this. It’s a delicate adornment that will work on your daywear or your nightwear.
13. Unicorn Bandaids For Your Boo-Boos
I can’t remember if we ever had them in cool shapes when I was a kid but why would I let not being a kid stop me now? There’s a drunken night out around the corner and damn it, I’m going to trip over for a unicorn.
14. You’ll Never Lose Power Again When You Have A Portable Unicorn Charger
I started looking into portable battery chargers last year. How else was I going to walk my feet off until my Dragonair turned into a Dragonite? And you mean to say I could’ve had one in the shape of a unicorn and didn’t know about it??
15. I’m A Unicorn… Hoodie
I’m a unicorn, you’re a unicorn, WE’RE ALL UNICORNS, it says so on the tin. Or you know, in this case on the hoodie. I kind of love it even more because it doesn’t tiptoe the line of furry like a lot of onesies do. It’s just a REALLY cool hoodie with a horn.
16. You Won’t Be Scared Of The Dark With A Unicorn Night Light
Scare the monsters away in one fell swoop too. (They’re dumb and don’t like pink.) Uni the unicorn makes night terrors safe with a chicness usually only found beside Tom Cruise in Legend (or anything else with a unicorn in it.)
17. A Unicorn Toilet Spray A Day Keeps The Demogorgon Away
Toilet habits are one of those things people just don’t talk about. That’s fair. Everyone might poop butt everyone probably also wouldn’t go into a bathroom stall that smelled bad. Keep some unicorn gold in your pocket or bag just in case?
18. A Unicorn Throw Pillow To Man Your Fort
She’s majestic to look at but even more majestic when you see her on top of your pillows at the end of the day, just waiting to be shoved off in the middle of the night when you’re dreaming about that one crush you had (or will have) in high school singing with the Blues Brothers.
19. Scientists, Doctors, I Present To You The Anatomy Of A Unicorn Canvas Print
When the internet tells you unicorns are made of rainbows and glitter, they’re not making it up. This totally true and very scientifically real-as-unicorns anatomy diagram proves them right.
20. An Astronaut Riding A Unicorn T-Shirt??
First, they walk on the moon, then they drill into an asteroid with Bruce Willis to prevent the world from coming to a hard and explosive end, now they get to ride on a unicorn? What the frick gives!
21. The Last Unicorn Book By Peter Beagle
If you like things like The Neverending Story or The Princess Bride, I’d put good money on Peter Beagle’s classic book being a fab read if you haven’t read it. Heck, even if you have read it, it never loses its charm.
22. Glittery Rainbow Astronaut Unicorn Pins Are The Pinnacle Of Cool Unicorn Stuff
Truly, every little thing about these words together should bring you joy. Well? Feel it yet? Close your eyes and give it a second. It’s one level up from the Mericorn in the skyscraper of cool.
23. This Unicorn Head Squirrel Feeder Is A Barrell Of Laughs
Find yourself in stitches by attracting adorable squirrels to your yard or your garden as you would anyway. With nuts in a feeder! …a feeder that when they stick their heads into to feed, will turn them into a unicorn. First came cats, then came squirrels.
24. These Unicorn Salt And Pepper Shakers Will Kawaii You Right In The Heart
It’s okay though. After reading this article, you’re going to be so magical, you’ll be bleeding rainbow blood like the unicorns do. And you’ll be immortal so you won’t die. Because they are — SHUT UP — they are. They never die.