Waking up to the news that Taylor Schwift’s newest record has gone diamond would have interested Rick Sanchez so much less if he hadn’t been drinking for the better part of the last decade.
Lucky for us — not so much for Morty — that makes him less likely to add a soundtrack to their adventures, leaving more space yelling, cursing, and emotional abuse.
What Morty needs and what everyone needs, is a good selecting of Rick and Morty clothing to make life a little less terrible as we wait to find out what the heck is gonna happen in the next Star Wars flick.
1. You’re Not Right, But You Ain’t Wrong Either, You’re Like a Fifth RightSource: TV Store Online
A fifth is more than a sixth and a sixth is damn sure more than Mega trees have, even when the mega fruit is in bloom. If you're around Rick, you kinda know not to expect too much praise for... just about anything, but that's also a good thing. If you're praised too much then you'll wind up as president and pick a fight with the leaders of every country in the world except the one you should be against. Honestly, just take what you can get. Sometimes, that's a fifth of what you're worth. In other dimensions, it might be even more. Which is why we dimension hop, am I right, Morty?
Get the 20% accurate Rick shirt on tvstoreonline.com
2. Meeseeks a Great Tank and Panty Set to Wear to BedSource: Think Geek
And methinks these guys will do. Pajama and underwear sets are another pleasure in life next to socks and bath salts of the non-face-eating variety. I feel like if we'd have known that in the 90s when Super Soakers faced off against toy dogs that yapped when they walked leashes made of solid plastic, in the days before My Little Pony was A Guy Thing(tm), Christmases would have been even more fun. I always had a great time, and sure as heck loved my Baywatch Barbie and Gizmo the Gremlin toys, but man do I wish I'd taken advantage of the pajama sets I got just that little bit more.
Get the Mr. Meeseeks underwear set on thinkgeek.com
3. Let’s Play a Game Called ‘What Vital Organ Goes Where’Source: Zavvi
I wanna say the large intestine goes by the Velociraptor enclosure in case they get hungry, but maybe the lungs would be better catered to her tastes? Let's ask her...
Get this Rick and Morty anatomy shirt on zavvi.com
4. Keep Those Tootsies Warm. You Know, for ScienceSource: Amazon
So, like, if people lose their minds over mismatched socks, how do you think that specific kind of person would feel about mismatched slippers? How about, though, in the words that Rick Sanchez would use (but tamed to be way more PG-13), they butt out and remain boring with matching ones. (Although I will say there are some cool matching pairs of geeky slippers out there on the interwebs too, let's put that aside for a minute. And again, for science). These Rick and Morty slippers will crack you up, crack up your friends, and they'll keep your feet from getting frostbite if it gets too snowy. Win, win, and win.
Get these Rick and Morty slippers on amazon.com
5. Snap Back at the Haters in Style in Your Best Rick and Morty ApparelSource: TV Store Online
Granted, the print looks like something out of the late 80s, early 90s acid-wash puke scene, given the Back to the Future inspiration behind Rick and Morty and how secretly awesome acid trip prints actually are, it works. While caps can't keep your ears warm, they can be worn indoors, which is more than can be said for a lot of beanies unless you're me, because I might as well be Carrie Fisher's actual daughter's character from Scream Queens with her earmuffs... But with a beanie. Or this Rick and Morty snapback.
Get the Rick and Morty snapback on tvstoreonline.com
6. You’ve Gotta Pickle Pocket or Two, BoySource: Amazon
Hang on a second...
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7. Socks to be You if You Have No Rick and Morty Clothing in Your WardrobeSource: Amazon
Don't be a socker or a sucker, you know you need socks. Washing machines are known to eat them to survive -- I saw it on the Discovery Channel in a dream one night -- and they have a tendency to suddenly become holy (I just out-dad-joked dads everywhere), there's no limit to the number of socks you can have in your drawer. On the subject of dad jokes though, does anyone remember the Carl and Rick meme? If not, it is with a solemn heart that I say you're welcome and let you know to check out this Walking Dead merchandise and these Walking Dead coffee mugs.
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8. There’s a Difference and if You Can’t Tell What it is, You’re on Your Own *belch*Source: Amazon
A phrase we should all add to our vocabulary for times when arguments occur more often than love -- I am, of course, referring to the holidays -- this Rick Sanchez shirt is pretty much the ideal gift for the guy or gal in your life who's never wrong. They're never wrong because to themselves they're never wrong, and because everybody has different views and opinions, in some kind of philosophical way, we really are always right. (Unless we're bigoted, mean, and cruel, but those who are don't even get a byline in my geekosphere).
Get this Rick Sanchez tee on amazon.com
9. Let’s Keep This One… Brief (Heh)Source: TV Store Online
The coolest kids, no matter their gender, wear boxer shorts to bed. It just so happens that more geeky boxer shorts are made than geeky boy shorts or geeky underwear unless you physically go looking for them. But hey, there's an idea for another time. Rick and Morty can literally come on every adventure with you, and adventures don't even have to stop occurring if you have to pee. If you have to stop the car on a road trip to pee (or pee into bottles like in Dumb and Dumber), does that make it so you're any less on a road trip?
Get these Rick and Morty boxer shorts on tvstoreonline.com
10. Little Something to Go With Those Slippers…Source: Think Geek
It's Mr. Meeseeks, and he's back in another piece of Rick and Morty clothing designed specifically for those of us who refuse to wear plain white robes! Us geeks know that no matter how warm a white robe is, it's still a white robe without anything exciting attached to it, and the same goes for any color. But if you make the robe, say, a Jedi robe or a unicorn or, like, World of Warcraft themed then, I mean, good luck ever getting me dressed is all I'm saying.
Get the Mr. Meeseeks hooded robe on thinkgeek.com
11. Eye Have Noticed Rick and Morty Are BallersSource: TV Store Online
Rick Sanchez doesn't wish he was a little taller or a baller, he's tall enough to be both and too drunk to care. This Rick and Morty shirt is pretty goth to the point in which it could be used on the cover of a death metal album or Metallica shirt. But it's not because if Rick ever took part in a design or moment that could be used by somebody else so they would get praise and not, you know, die, they wouldn't get it. So I guess what we have to ask next is, does anyone want a Rick and Morty metal album?
Get this Rick and Morty eyeball shirt on tvstoreonline.com
12. Beanie There, Done Hat (I Could Go On But Rick Won’t Let Me)Source: Amazon
I take back everything I ever said about wearing beanies around the house. This one, you're allowed to. In fact, most geek beanies you're allowed to... or, rather, you're allowed to wear all beanies around the house, as long as you make sure you keep your hair clean in the process. I love this Meeseeks beanie so much that I'm even tempted to give up my dinosaur one (it says tree rex, I know, and yes, I wear it every month of the year because I can). For the sake of my dinosaur's feelings, get this so I don't have to.
Get this Mr. Meeseeks beanie on amazon.com
13. Rick and Morty Even Have Adventures as POPs!Source: Entertainment Earth
I've recently been taking my Luke Skywalker pop (the Force Awakens one that's somewhere in our Star Wars pops article) on adventures myself, so I can totally get why Rick and Morty would decide to do this and why there'd be a faux comic cover dedicated exclusively to them. Anything can be an adventure for pop vinyls. Making coffee, eating a croissant that flies into the frame like the star destroyer, sitting watching me as I type, head wobbling because of whatever licensing reason the Star Wars and Marvel pops' heads move. It's now just a case of what Rick and Morty can get up to.
Get the Rick and Morty Pop! t-shirt on entertainmentearth.com
14. You Can’t Have Enough Socks (Source: Science)Source: Amazon
Good old science and logic coming into play again, as well as that improvised on the spot when my need-level went from 1 to 110 for those previously mentioned Rick and Morty socks. These ones feature good old Mr. Meeseeks alone this time, which is truly how he thrives, so we oughtn't to feel bad about wearing him and all his clones on our feet. Meeseeks is there for our wellbeing. Each one of them is, essentially, created to make us coffee and walk our dogs... while wearing the latest, fashionable Rick and Morty apparel.
Get these Mr. Meeseeks socks on amazon.com
15. This Hoodie is Like an LSD Trip, Which Rick Would Approve OfSource: Amazon
And I feel like his only complaint would be the fact that he did not actually get a trip from it. Little does he know, all he needs do is watch an episode of Twin Peaks while wearing it and all of the pieces will fall into place. I'll even provide him with a link to some Twin Peaks merchandise in order for him to chase his high because that's the kind of enabler I am. Don't do drugs, kids. Do David Lynch shows and movies while wearing trippy Rick and Morty clothing.
Get this psychaelic Rick and Morty hoodie on amazon.com
Not sure if you know or not, but there are some awesome Rick and Morty Christmas sweaters out there and plenty of time to still get them for Christmas or even for next!