Bob’s Burgers Merchandise You Promptly Need in Your Life

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Uhhhhh, any excuse to watch cartoons while we work is a good excuse to work. I did it with Rick and Morty clothing, I did it with Adventure Time shirts, and now I’m doing it with one of the best cartoons on TV.

That’s right, it’s Bob’s Burgers merchandise time!

Okay, you can calm down now. It’s awesome but, like… no, no, you’re right. DISCO BREAK.

1. Technically, the Burger of the Day Doesn’t Have to be a Burger, it Can be a Memo

Bob's Burgers Burger of the Day ChalkboardSource: TV Store Online

You don't need to bother opening your own cafe or restaurant these days to have a chalkboard so you can draw whatever you want on it. This is especially fun if you live with somebody, be it, family or flatmates. Pass messages back and forth and leave orders about what sort of burger you like or, if you live with me, to keep on top of the coffee amount, machine, or filters. This one is just that extra bit cooler given the fact it's Bob's Burgers merchandise and that kinda gives you a reason to draw a butt on it.

Get the Burger of the Day chalkboard on

2. Jeez Louise, These Socks Will Sock it to ’em

Louise Belcher SocksSource: ThinkGeek

Louise is my favorite of the Belcher clan. Be it because she's a little weird or her hat is so awesome I'd wear it at all times of the year. Especially Easter, because you know. Look at it. Socks are great, but they're even better when they come with something extra like the ears at the top of these or some of the superhero socks that have capes on them. Whoever had the idea of upping the ante—likely as a way of making kids happy to receive them at Christmas—was a genius and they should be up there with the greatest minds in the world. Instead, all we can do is celebrate with a gif.  

Get these Louise Belcher socks on

3. Jurassic Park Said if You Don’t Move, They Can’t See You…

Louise Belcher Shirt Bob's Burgers MerchandiseSource: TV Store Online

It works for T-Rex and I figure Louise is just a little scarier than the rex. Just a little. She didn't eat Gene when he sat on his $1400 toilet. That's something, right? Plus, being on the right side of her can only work out in your favor. She's a great liar, she's smart, she can think on the go, and she's only 9-years-old so she can act like she's innocent just by wearing the hat I mentioned before. She's a crafty kid and the more I think about it, the less chance any dinosaur has at being more frightening than her, but hey, maybe we can give her some Jurassic Park toys next Christmas and test it out.

Get this Louise Belcher shirt on

4. I’ll Be Bob, You Guys Can Fight Over Who’s Tina While I Win

Bob's Burgers MonopolySource: ThinKGeek

I may not be able to make as good a Bob as Gene did, but luckily that means I also don't have to shave bald spots in my hair or sport a mustache. No offense to anyone who likes having one—except those guys from the Civil War and bypassed 90s Seattle on the way—but it just wouldn't look as good on me as it did Gene. Monopoly is one of the best board games in the world. What other has the power to break up relationships, friendships, and even families? In Clue, you're just working out who killed an NPC. In Monopoly, you're paying your friends and family extortionate amounts of rent.

Get Bob's Burgers Monopoly on

5. Don’t Kopi Anyone Else, Be Your OWN Doodie Buddy

Bob's Burgers Kochi Kopi ShirtSource: ThinkGeek

Or toothbrush. Or bag. And... everything else. But most notably as Louise's nightlight. There's no other character that would want a nightlight that doubles as a spirit and creeps people out more than Louise Belcher, and it's just one of the thousands of reasons why she's my favorite and should be yours too. This Kuchi Kopi yin yang shirt is set to bring a balance to the Force without some of us having to watch Kylo Ren be Kylo Ren, which is awesome if you ask me because no. Talk about highly relatable Bob's Burgers merchandise, though. I feel hella like the green one.

Get this Kuchi Kopi tee on

6. I Don’t Think There’s a Person on Earth Who Doesn’t Like Some Kinda Burger

Bob's Burgers Burger BookSource: Amazon

Assuming all of the meat recipes can be adapted to bean-slash-tofu burgers, this Bob's Burgers book is a work of art and a fantastic idea. Does anyone else get hungry when they watch? The episode where Linda got a job at the grocery store and took valuable time away from the burger joint and delivered extra to milk was a great episode, while also being strange, because who craves milk?  

Get the Bob's Burgers recipe book on

7. Drink Five Cups of Kuchi Kopi a Day and Prosper

Kochi Kopi Bob's Burgers MugSource: Amazon

Look. Just sound it out. Go on. Ku-chi-coffee. Cup-a-coffee. The great drink, 5 of your 1-a-day, coffee! We're no strangers to great mugs at DGHQ. The ones we've featured so far have been uniquely different. (To recount for you/if you've missed any of them: Ghostbusters mugs, Wonder Woman mugs, Batman coffee mugs, and Walking Dead coffee mugs). Speaking of Walking Dead, this weekend I re-downloaded Payday 2 and now I actually get why the barbed wire bat is called Lucille. I'm slow, but at least I'm good at finding cool geek gifts. ✌

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8. Put All Your Bob’s Burgers Merchandise in This Thing (It’ll Fit!)

Bob's Burgers BackpackSource: TV Store Online

I deliberately left out the aforementioned $1400 toilet for a reason, and that reason is that you don't want your new bag to smell like a toilet. It will totally fit*. I am a true believer in backpacks. Messenger bags and handbags (SATCHELs) don't quite do it for me, I'm too lazy to keep hoisting them up and besides, having a backpack is great because you can put your messenger inside of the backpack. I don't know why you'd do it but the fact is you could and that, my loving geeklets, is the lesson I'd like to leave behind after my death.  

  Awww, thanks. But also *you can't fit a toilet in a bag.

Get this Bob's Burgers backpack on

9. With the Music of Bob’s Burgers, You Don’t NEED Another Two Desert Island Records

Bob's Burgers Music AlbumSource: Amazon

This works out with the backpack too, because you can save valuable space by not also including Jagged Little Pill (I mean, obviously) or the Twin Peaks soundtrack on vinyl. All you need is one CD and your laptop or a boombox (are boomboxes still a thing? Did they come back with plaid shirts and Old Spice?) It was really the music that set Bob's Burgers apart from all the other hilarious cartoons out there right now. South Park always used to be known for its songs and the Simpsons had some good ones, but Bob's Burgers made the songs central /to/ Bob's Burgers. Oh, and they had St. Vincent appear. Can't argue with that.

Get the Bob's Burgers music collection on

10. Maybe You Need Input From a Burger, You Don’t Know

Bob's Burgers Talking Burger ButtonSource: Amazon

Bob would argue that everybody needs some input from a burger, but he'd be referring to one of his as opposed to one that operates as a button. It's a pretty cool button and a select piece of Bob's Burgers merchandise that will bring the kind of joy that a plushie or a shirt wouldn't be able to (even if those are rad too). It also talks, spitting out quotes from the show but only when pressed, unlike the alarm clock I had as a kid (which was, unfortunately, not a Star Wars alarm clock) that my mother hated with a passion because of how annoying it was. So, what do you say? Will you press the burger button?

Get the Bob's Burger talking burger on

11. And Most of Us Can Relate to This Mug in One Way or Another

Tina Belcher Glitter Butts MugSource: Amazon

For me, obviously, you'd have to replace butts with either coffee or true crime documentaries and podcasts, but if you don't love something the way Tina Belcher loves butts, are you even human? The sparkles are a nice touch and we all know somebody who likes to check out the asses of their preferred sex, but it just reminds me how desperately I need to go back to doing lunches and crunches, 'cause oy. So here is to butts, crunches, having an awesome butt, and awesome butts. Can I get an Amen?    

  Er, that'll do.

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12. This Tina Figure Will Make Your Bob’s Burgers Merch Collection POP

Exclusive Bob's Burgers Pop Vinyl Tina BelcherSource: Amazon

The regular Bob's Burgers pops are pretty awesome but then there's this extra collection that has the bonus of being exclusive and because of Amazon, we literally don't have to leave the house to go out and find them. That said, pop shopping is one of my most favorite activities, particularly to hear people complaining that they don't have a specific pop and all the ones that are on sale are pops that nobody wants. Every self-respecting pop collector-cum-Bob's Burgers fan should have at least one of the limited edition ones, and Tina is always the way to go.

Get this exclusive Tina pop on