Let This NieR Automata Merchandise Comfort Your Existential Soul

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The best kind of video game is the kind that makes it big when nobody expects it. NieR Automata is 2017’s prime example.

Did you know there was a Nier game before this? While NieR Automata is technically a “sequel”, the two aren’t so inextricably linked that you have to play both.

Which… kinda fits the theme of the story.

To praise its positive reviews (and appearance in the Steam sale) here is some NieR Automata merchandise you’re not gonna wanna miss!

1. If at First You Don’t Succeed? Plush Yourself Off and Swing Your Katana Again

2B Plush NieR Automata MerchandiseSource: Entertainment Earth

2B frank -- yes, that's going to be used a lot today, I would prepare yourself in advance. I mean, it is a NieR Automata merchandise article -- if I didn't know anything about Nier Automata and saw 2B being a badass with her katana, I'd immediately want to know more. I've written at length on the importance of having female protagonists and shall continue to do so until I a) die or b) Lara Croft: Rise of the Tomb Raider goes on even bigger sale, of which then, I'll have to take a break to play. You understand. This 2B plush is adorable, but she could cut you. Make no mistake.

Get this mini 2B chibi plush on entertainmentearth.com

2. This Book Might Be Written in Japanese, But the Art is to Die For

NieR Automata World Guide Art BookSource: Amazon

Some things in life transcend translation and art, as all anime fans and most gamers know, is at the top of the list. It doesn't matter what language you speak or read to appreciate beautiful art, and NieR Automata has that in spades, making the Japanese text just a further addition to what an awesome piece of NieR Automata merchandise this book is. It's a world guide with pages upon pages of beautiful artwork that even non-Nier fans would gasp at. Reading Japanese might be a bonus as some of the text is written from the point of view of the characters but honestly? For the art, that doesn't matter one bit.

Get this collector's piece of NieR Automata merchandise on amazon.com

3. When You Wish Upon a Star, in a VaCUouS wAstELaNd Full of Machines…

Nier Automata Cushion Amusement ParkSource: Teepublic

I highly doubt I'm alone in this but the amusement park was my favorite part of any video game since Rachel Amber did the thing that I don't want to say just in case there are people who still haven't played the new episode of Life is Strange: Before the Storm. (But here are some cool Life is Strange gifts in the interim). Entering a strange world where the machines were dressed up as jesters, enforcing happiness was a great lead up to the introduction of JEAN-PAUL. (Clearly named after Sartre, that's my story I'm sticking to). Maybe all he wanted as a gift was NieR Automata merchandise.

Get the NieR:Automata amusement park pillow on teepublic.com

4. 2B or Not 2B, That is the Question…

NieR Automata Collectibles 2B FigureSource: Amazon

Always 2B, and there are a lot of 2B figures and statues made alongside the game. This is only one of them, but she looked so badass in it that it was a given that she'd be the one. A thing about the surprise success of the game is that a lot of -- if not all -- NieR Automata merchandise is produced outside of the US, so it's up to Amazon to provide us a platform to get our hands on them. Amazon, as always, has our geeky, game-loving backs.

Get this rare collectible 2B PVC figure on amazon.com

5. Be Over the Moon With This NieR Automata Merchandise

NieR Automata Sweater Shirt ClothingSource: Teepublic

Emil's skeleton form is nothing if it's not horrifying, but he's also become one of the most standout features of the game next to 2B. It's understandable. His whole image and look are unforgettable, making him look like half man-in-the-moon (makes sense, given the lunar connection) and half the volleyball-from-Castaway. Because of his connection to the first game, this t-shirt really captures the vibe of the entire story arc. (It's also way cooler than the three wolf moon shirts...)

Get the NieR Automata moon sweater on teepublic.com

6. Make Sure Comic Con’s Explode With NieR Automata Characters

NieR Automata Cosplay Sword ReplicaSource: Amazon

Any reason to not have to do much acting and I'm there. Playing a robot that isn't a Decepticon (at least in the Blade Runner sense)? Sign me up. Granted, 2B and 9S run and jump a little bit more than I do when I'm not playing video games, but just a little and I always identified more with Master Jean-Paul (Oh, wHat fUN!) whose activity peaks at going to find himself anyway. There are a few replica NieR Automata weapons if you look, but this one is definitely the coolest.

Get this NieR Automata replica sword on amazon.com

7. Emil Will Make Sure You Don’t Lose Your Keys

Nier Automata KeychainSource: Amazon

Kinda not sure which Emil this is, but he seems pretty helpful, especially if you take him flowers. He's not as scary as he looks, not one bit, but the fact he looks terrifying is only a positive so that if anybody picks up your keys, they might pee themselves. And then you can take your keys back and laugh if they'd picked them up on purpose or... console if it was an accident, I guess. Maybe. But also if you ask him nicely, he might sell you something.

Get an Emil keychain on amazon.com

8. The Game Awards Rightfully Thinks This Soundtrack is One of 2017’s Best

NieR Automata OST Soundtrack Japan Import Rare VinylSource: Amazon

What's a fully-immersive video game without a good soundtrack? The Game Awards 2017 nominees were released earlier this month. NieR Automata smashed it with three nominations, including for the soundtrack which you can get on super rare imported vinyl RIGHT HERE. I mean, right here when you click the link. There are a lot of us music-crazed gamers out there. I know it, you know it, and your record player will know it as soon as you get this irreplaceable piece of NieR Automata merchandise.

Get the Limited Edition NieR Automata Soundtrack vinyl on Amazon.com

9. Along With Your Keys, He’s Also Got Your Phone’s Interests in Mind

Emil NieR Automata Phone CaseSource: Teepublic

I bet the war between humans and aliens would have gone down so much differently if they'd have utilized their smartphones to stream Independence Day or Mars Attacks! instead of going in blindly. I mean, if you can't head into an intergalactic war that could drastically alter the face of mankind as we know it prepared by Stephen Spielberg when can you? At least Emil finally looks satisfied on this NieR Automata phone case.

Get this Emil phone case on teepublic.com

10. Cheer Yourself Up With the Cutest Depiction of a Ninja Badass Ever

Small NieR Automata Figure 2BSource: Amazon

We never got to see Kill Bill's Beatrix Kiddo look this adorable. The same goes for every other katana-wielding badass like Michonne from The Walking Dead (though she can be cute if this Walking Dead merchandise is anything to go by) or Katana (we also have Suicide Squad action figures over here). That is, except, for 2B because she's an android and basically the next step from Uncanny Valley to Terminator. I mean, if you listen to Elon Musk...


Get this collectible 2B figure on amazon.com

11. Uhh, Not Sure if That’s Exactly What Shakespeare Had in Mind…

Funny NieR Automata Shirt 2B ShakespeareSource: Teepublic

Or is it, and he just knew way more than we thought any dude with a bowl cut from the 16th Century could? The dude did invent a lot of the names we use these days, not to mention the idea that he was either a group of writers writing under a pseudonym or a woman. They could make a video game or a comic book that's about her... them... him. Each level could be based around one of his plays. GENIUS RIGHT? Thanks, I know. 2B is looking super cute on this tee, that's all that matters while game devs catch up.

Get this Shakespearean NieR Automata baseball tee on teepublic.com

12. Sadly, This List is NieRly Done (But Maybe We’ll Get More NieR Automata Merchandise Next Year?)

NieR Automata Poster Scenery Art GamesSource: Amazon

Lucky for you, my cache of terrible puns is nowhere close to being. If you've enjoyed everything about NieR Automata, you're probably the person I was with Silent Hill back in the day. Posters everywhere, books, CDs, and models everywhere. Drawings, sketches, and terrible paintings all over the place. We also all know how beautiful the artwork of the game is; the scenery and the characters down to the lighting. This poster is a beautiful end to a beautiful list.

Get this NieR Automata scenery poster on amazon.com

For more excellent game merchandise, have a look at this Horizon Zero Dawn merchandise, Life is Strange merchandise, Fallout merchandise, BioShock merchandise, and EVEN Portal merchandise. (Because why not? Hello, robots!) And if you like the anime aspect of Nier, we’ve got you covered with these One Piece shirts.