Hogwarts is the sort of place where you have to wear a uniform, which kind of sucks for the fashion conscious when there is so much choice out there.
The first day there or back, though, you can wear what you like to impress who you want, or just to look pretty/dapper.
That’s where these Harry Potter shirts come in. In them, you can be the right kind of geeky. (Like there’s even a wrong kind of geeky…)
1. Voldemort Has Ssssomething to Say
He Who Must Not Be Named has sped past the point of talking crap. He’s talking snakes. His mouth is full of them and, I don’t know about you, but I’ve sure never seen any snakes on a David Attenborough show that births other snakes from its mouth. Meaning Voldemort is king of them, and Taylor Swift barely comes second. Regardless of Voldemort and his need to be slimy, this Harry Potter shirt is really freakin’ cool, even for a Hufflepuff.
2. SpectreSpecs, Out Now On Your Local Muggle Shopping Network
These specs that Luna Lovegood swears by can help you to see spectral entities and only the best in Harry Potter shirts. Bad ones just don’t show up, they have no reason to. Neither do ones that are, while cool, worn everywhere. No, to be a Lovegood, you’ve gotta be eccentric and wear the finest, most unique clothing and accessories going. Like the specs. See? It all comes full circle eventually. Next, I’ll be telling you that Dumbledore wanted to die. I’d laugh but I’m still sad.
3. Stop! In the Name of the Geekiest Harry Potter Shirt EVER
Is it the Hyrulian sword? A lightsaber? Is it the Elvish inscription on The One Ring Gollum really doesn’t want to give up his other personality for? NO, IT’S ALL OF THE ABOVE. Not to mention the Doctor’s sonic screwdriver. Together they form the Deathly Hallows which… kind of makes this Harry Potter shirt function as a Lord of the Rings shirt, a Zelda one, and a Star Wars one. Remember how we used to talk geekception (which should be a hashtag, I’m just saying)? Good, because this is geek within a geek within a geek. It’s third level geekery; the pinnacle of geekdom. This is the MOTHERLODE. (I’m so happy it exists. Excuse me, I need a minute… It’s just too beautiful…)
4. Hog Warts: The Last Wizard
Can we pretend for a second that the epilogue of the books/films didn’t happen? Can we pretend that, after the great battle, the universe just continued to exist and nobody grew up, had kids, or made us believe that maybe Harry wasn’t the chosen one after all? Thanks! Okay, so after the big battle where Harry was basically the hero of time (sorry, Link), it’s revealed Dumbledore wasn’t dead all along. No, he was on some island on a planet that looked kind of like Ireland and revealed that he is the last Jedi. (Nobody said I was an author, guys. I’m a fantasist!) Hush up and get your geek on with this Star Wars/Harry Potter shirt.
5. Never Forget Wandstock!
Nobody is actually able to remember. There was too much Mandrake being passed around to notice that Newt & the Fantastic Beasts played a sell-out show. If they’d noticed, they would’ve been the next Beatles. The Niffler’s drumming puts Keith Moon and John Bonham to shame, which is why it’s one that no footage exists. Trelawney was a hip chick back in the day. There’s a reason she seems a little, er, do you think we can use the word unhinged without her reading our tea leaves?
6. Oh, Nose…
When I was researching cool gifts for another article, I ended up asking Google why Voldemort has no nose. I found out and shared that it was because, as he got deeper into dark magic, the more snakelike his appearance became. Does this mean, then, that the Malfoys aren’t as evil as they wish they were? None of them look like snakes. Maybe it’s all just a ploy to explain a nose job gone wrong? Who knows, but this funny Harry Potter shirt at least makes me feel a little sorry for him.
7. This Deathly Hallows Shirt is Pure Harry Potter
Honoring the story of the Three Brothers — one of my favorite parts of the film series — who cheat death, this Harry Potter shirt mixes the tale with the Hallows as it’s meant to be. Each of them meets Death after they cheat him. He grants them wishes which kind of takes “I want never gets” and turns it into “I want will probably get you killed”. The theory of the three brothers representing Voldemort, Snape, and Harry is the most widely renowned one and one I can definitely see. She’s a clever one, that JK Rowling.
8. Dobby Likes This Shirt, Harry Potter
Dobby was what won me over to the series. A lot of people find him annoying. Why is beyond me, but then I also don’t mind Jar Jar Binks, which puts me in the tiniest group of geeks that don’t have strong Feelings about annoying characters. (Scrappy-Doo aside because come on). He was too adorable for me to turn off The Chamber of Secrets and, from then on, while not a Harry Potter obsessive, I certainly considered myself a fan. Honor the loveliest House Elf there ever was by wearing him. Bellatrix might try to kill you for it but at least you’ll die stylish.
9. You’re a Keeper!
Get this Harry Potter shirt for your other half or best friend if they’re a fan of Harry Potter and I damn near guarantee they’ll keep you around too. It’s the kind of thing that should be on geeky greeting cards along with stuff like, “You’re the Obi-Wan for me” and “I’ll Kling-On to you forever” (all of which would earn my affections, as an aside). Plus, it comes with a couple of stickers you can stick onto your laptop or books, whatever you want.
10. Keep the Wand, You Filthy Animal
Kevin being forgotten twice in the Home Alone films meant that he grew up to be a little unhinged. How is it, then, that Harry Potter grew up so well adjusted when he was essentially being hounded by Voldemort for seven years? I guess we’ll never know, but this Harry Potter shirt takes a funny spin on the trauma of two boys who just kept being forgotten and adds Bellatrix Lestrange to satiate my needs. I suppose it was easier for Harry than Kevin, though. Kevin was just a muggle, after all.
11. What’s Your Patronus?
I feel every part of this shirt. I feel lazy and slovenly and mind-numbingly just fine, all of which come together in the life of a sloth. (If you saw Zootopia, the scene with the sloths working at the DMV was hilariously accurate for both them and for me). What’s more is there’s nothing wrong with it! Ask Snorlax whose attack is literally to jump a little bit in one spot! You can be lazy, badass, and cute, all at the same time. Is there anything better than that?
Fellow Snorlax, we have a wicked tank top in our Pokemon shirts article especially for you!
12. Accio Coffee Before I Collapse
It wouldn’t be a Discover Geek article without at least one reference to coffee. It’s gotten to the point where I have special mugs at my friends’ houses because I drink so much and I’m always awake first. (Because, again, coffee). Wouldn’t it be great if you could just summon it to you? Like, if I could sit at my desk and write or code, wave my Harry Potter’s wand prop replica and suddenly have my caffeine fix? I might just start believing in a higher power.