Just because it’s nearly summer doesn’t mean there’s no reason to wear a compression shirt when you go out running. They keep you warm and they keep you cool. They also make your body look sculpted like a superhero’s. There’s no losing!
Except for the fact that their designs are usually pretty dull. Dull and gendered. Black with neon stripes or neon with black. You need something exciting to get you into it and out of the door, and these superhero compression shirts are just the trick.
Grab your Deadpool shoes, we’re going on a field trip.
1. Captain America Runs Every Day, Just Because We Don’t See it, Doesn’t Mean it Isn’t True
How else does Cap get that sculpted bod? Do the Avengers have time to go to the gym? Do they focus on their core first and then figure out how to save the world later? Or, do their patsies do all the work for them while they’re pumping iron? I dunno. What I do know is this shirt is badass.
2. You Can Also Get Cap’s Blue and White Colors if You Wanna Be More of an Undercover Geek
Why would you want that? I don’t understand that realm of thinking, but I do get why you might want to get this shirt for your workouts. I can see cap wearing it if he’d like to pull a Superman and throw people off his scent. Steve Rogers without the suit isn’t like Clark sticking on some glasses and a loose-fitting suit. And if that works, he’s going to have no problem whatsoever. Plus, it kinda makes you the star of the gym.
3. OR There’s This Long Sleeved Captain America Compression Shirt. Stuff Gets Cold!
You know, for the colder months. If you’re in England like I am, for example, this one is gonna be ideal for eleven months out of the year. (That’s right, I just shaded my country while it’s sunny outside. I’m basically the Joker.) This is like Captain America’s actual costume, so you could technically don this, run ten miles, and then wonder what the heck you’re supposed to do when an apple store does not, in fact, sell apples.
4. There’s Also a Batman vs Superman Shift For if You Don’t Want to Decide
It’s pretty clear these days that neither Batman or Superman are as awesome as Wonder Woman, but they’ve still got credit enough to be cool. Not everyone can be Wonder Woman, right? The best part of these superhero compression shirts is that they can make you look like you have the abs you’re completely totally working on. Until you actually have them underneath and then, all the better, my friend.
5. Be Superman? Pff, You ARE Superman. Look At You!
Compression tops make exercising a hell of a lot easier. You don’t smell, they don’t droop, you don’t have to keep tightening them or straightening them and they also help keep you from hurting any of your muscles while you’re working out. Sounds good huh? Almost good enough that you’ll believe me when I say this is legitimately how superheroes avoid injuries, right?
6. And You Can Still Be Superman if You’re a Goth!!
Are you? This monochromatic Superman gym shirt appeals to me in the same way the monochromatic Captain America one did. At this point, all that the choice is going to come down to is which superhero you prefer. Which, dare I say, even which company you prefer? I won’t tell and neither will your brand new compression shirt that makes your body look amazing without having to use a rowing machine.
7. Break Free of Your Insecurities, Be the Hulk You Were Born to Be
Bruce Banner might be stuck without a control over when he unleashes his inner beast, but just because you’re always going to be a beast in this shirt doesn’t mean you’ll step on the little people (accidentally) to get what you want. I mean, unless you’re into that. In that case, you can do anything you want, and you can do it in your matching Harley Quinn leggings. Just to really eff with them.
8. Don’t Forget About the Flash, He’s Not Going Anywhere
When he does, he’ll be gone and then back before you even realize the former happened. The Flash compression shirt will up your sports game so much you’ll be running literal laps around all of the competitors you have that don’t have a Flash compression shirt. This is a piece of clothing that’ll keep you warm and keep you cool, depending on the temperature you’re working out in. I can’t explain it, not without using science.
9. Batman Beyond as in, What’s Expected of Him to Wear??
It says something that I’m writing this right as I find out about Adam West, and it’s got what I feel is all of us emoting like crazy. Don’t let the tears fall. No! Throw on this Batman Beyond-themed top and go for a run or a spin class. Work out your worries as you work out your body. There’s a reason I’ve started enjoying going to the gym within the last few months and it’s “not because I’m actually a superhero”……
10. And This One is Just the Superhero Compression Shirt of ALL Compression Shirts
It’s a proper Batman one that looks like the outfit the Batman I know wears. It’s almost as if it were 3D printed from one of the Christopher Nolan/Bale movies and made with durable fabric that’ll stretch along with your body as it moves. Nothing better than a piece of clothing that won’t just make you look good, but won’t make you smell on top of it. Especially with sportswear. I freakin’ love all of these. My wallet, however, does not.
11. There’s a Punisher Compression Top As Well
Prepare yourself for the Netflix series he’s getting this year the right way. By running or working out before you marathon it! Marathon Before Marathon, let’s coin it. Quick, who do I call? Stan Lee? There’s buzz everywhere that the Defenders are going to be going up against him in their series as well, as hinted as by a few of the promos and the next Defenders comic book that’ll be hitting shelves in July. I cannot wait.
12. And Naturally, Tony Stark Has to Get in on This Since He’s the BEST EVER
To himself. He’s rich enough to make it true across the land though. Anybody will say anything for a quick buck from Stark Industries. If the cards had landed any other way, pretty much all of the Avengers would do the same, they just so happen to have so much to do with saving us all that they can say no. Just like you can. In your new Iron Man sports top. As you run. Huzzah!
13. The Green Lantern Will Get You the Most Turned Heads
Green Lantern fans are such a specific and special breed (you are, and we love you for it) that people who aren’t so much in the know about comics are going to be much more curious about you wearing this superhero compression shirt than if you were wearing a Batman superhero compression shirt (that said, Batman is cool too.) And aren’t you working out because you want to be noticed? Theeere you go.
14. Deadpool’s Still On Vacation Filming His Second Movie
While he’s gone, slip into this Deadpool fitness shirt and you can temporarily take his place. Bonuses of this “job” include: openly being a dick, eating a heck of a lot of tacos, and looking like a sort of charred and barbecued Ryan Reynolds. Look, we all want to be the world’s second least favorite superhero, and now we can be, only better because we can be him while we’re working on our biceps some more.
15. Okay, Nevermind Batman, this Spider-Man Shirt is Where It’s At
And “it” belongs on the runways of sports fashion, if they actually exist. If not, this is a superhero compression shirt that could kickstart the entire trend. The Spider-Man movie coming out soon is almost guaranteed to take our attention back to Peter Parker, and while it’s his time, taking him with us to the gym is gonna work out in our favor. “Are you excited for the new Spider-Man movie?” could turn into a budding friendship or frenemy—ship. If they’re a DC fan.
16. You Could Climb Buildings in This Spidey Shirt
Maybe not buildings. Maybe a wall in a controlled environment if you’re attached to a lot of ropes with a net underneath. BUT. That’s just as cool a feat and you don’t have to be bitten by a spider to get there. I think we all know who the real winner is here and I think it’s the guy/girl in the Spidey gym shirt. Just a hunch.